Wednesday, April 30, 2008

page2

30th april 2008: sorry i am refering to the date, but this is very crucial for me, i was there with the girl, i deadly loved, we were in college, and as per our schedule, we need to go to different places, now, today was the last time, college is going to end, that is, this day may become the last day, i sit along with her for, a long duration, for college, some 3 hours, i weared my best dress, i know noone is interested, but ok, she was happy, when she left, was that what i said to her friend, she had no problems, in leaving me, ok, she may never understand the emotions inside me for her, this may be the last night, or begining of a new era, she is not interested in marriage, right now, i can't wait, i will have to marry somone, my mom has gone old, destiny, i must accept if destiny has something else then i desired, but happy too, because what is happening is the plan of god, i will miss her for ever, a lot of love to you dear, bye, again i continue enjoying my loneliness, i went on a ride, at a new place, in night, there was adventure, i drinked juice at a spot, then i went further to a place, where road ends, i loved/liked that place, that was like a playground, something like what /where i used to, play with my brother, in childhood, i miss him always, i donot mail him too mush, as he controls my life, but i want to do it, myself now, i must mail him? ok the place was not soo good, there was happiness of a playground, like the childhood, but fear of darkness, i donot know where i was, whether there was ghosts in that area or not, i believed god, idesired not to go back, there was a temple, i went there, at the greatest loneliness, there are the God always with you, i felt more lonely because of the girl, i said to satya sai baba, i cannot remain alone, without that girl, i loved her, still i then said to myself, i am happy, i cannot get the ful enjoyment of the loneliness, as i feared, fear is the enemy of exploration, i must not fear or i cannot enjoy all the spots i have to enjoy all alone, i must be ready for what so ever will happen, i must believe god, there is good in everything, jai shree bariya baba bhagwan, jai satya sai baba, jai bhole baba, jai ma, let's god help me, in conquering my loneliness, and developing to my greatest in this fight with the loneliness, i will win, this battle, every battle,

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

vix

Hi
i am vix,
this is not my real name,
i will tell u it later,

this is the blog of my lonely life,
in the age of population explosion,
we have to control,
our country's population,
but still there are lonely peoples,
and i am lonely too,

i am lonely,
because i want to,
because i choosed to be,
lonely,

i choosed to stop chasing others,
stop begging for friendship,
and followers in leadership,

i wish my lonely life to be,
a lot enjoyable,
i wish to enjoy my life,
in itself,

life is still beautiful,
even if you are alone,


let me confess,
i fighted fearing this lonelyness,
for many years,
i wish company of friends,
i loved someone dadly,
and still do it,

but i am still alone,
there are millions of
peoples in my city,
but still i am lonely,

why?

noone cares the lonely ones,
noone loves a person,
who need love the most,


again,
why should i not enjoy
my lonelyness,

when i would be having a girlfriend,
or wife,

i could only ride my bike,
when she is ready to go with me,

now i am free,
free to do anything,

ya i fears lonelyness,
ya i fears to go mad,
in my lonelyness,

but now i didn't cares,

let's see what my lonelyness
can do of me,

i was afraid of waking in night,
and now i m wrighting in night,



MY DREAMS
i want to become,
what i best can be,
i want to direct a movie,
some day,

but this time i am not going to
wait for anyone,
or request anyone,


at present i am
doing a project for my studies,
in animation,

there were 4 peoples in the team,
if they would have given their best,
we could have made marvelous movie,
could have won a job,
but i am alone,
and better to complete the movie,
all alone,

there is still a friend of me,
left,
our teacher enjoyed playing politics in
the project,
and made hardest in spoiling the project,

we have dead line,

i m creative,
but not great actor,

i m loosing confidence,
but still
i am alone,
i wish to complete this project alone,
i think i can,
what so ever i can,
the best of my brain,

animation,
is new to me,
i donot get automatic ideas,
in it,

i gets them in,
visual effects,
but i have colour blindness,
i cannot perform,
the colour correction most accurately,


i worked a lot,
i wished a girl,
i love,
to come to my rescue,
but she had her own problems,

i donot know what she feels,
about me,
may be she doesn't loves me,
a hard fact,
which i would have to accept,



so what,
i can do things all alone too,

i choosed animation,
it doesn't involves colours,

i m not the best actor,
but even the best actors were,
not their best when they
had not started acting,

we learns,
we need teacher,
but i am not child,

i can learn from myself,
we are humans,
we are geniouses,

i must be able to do it all alone,

may be one day,
this lonelyness,
may be my strength,
my greatest strength,

since i am alone,
i can start over again,
any time,

i must win this time,

i can ride alone my bike,

is god alone too,

he is there with me,

but for now i
have to be alone,
and build my strengths,




i lacks leadership,

but from smallest start i got,
a win,
a follower of mine,
when i led him,
got a sweet job,

was that the first win of my leadership,

but loneliness,
to won,
is the biggest fight i,
must win,



i can survive,
without the girl,
who came in my dreams,
and one day she came in my life,

she is everything for me,
a world,
everything,
but for her,
i am nothing,


still,
i passed college well,
because of her,

i used to come to college to
see her,

otherwise,
the college was hell,
and a suicide point for
already a broken sole,
a depressed person,



lonelyness gives u time,
u need no timemanagement fundas,
loneliness gives u the whole nature,
u can go anywhere,
fear noone,

can ride anywhere,
can do anything,

fear none,
believe god,









enjoy the loneliness,






i would miss her,
and all those whom i love,

i am not going away from them,
but i am accepting the loneliness,
even in thier presence,

this loneliness comes from,
difference openions,
different developments,
different interests,

different meanings of life,

all wish to live life,
enjoy it,

i desired something to
enjoy life,
and ended by
lonely,



please,
touch wood,
please najar mut lagana,

she is marvelously beautiful,
the girl of my dream,
i liked everything of her,

everything,

may be by chance when she sees,
me i feel like i am flying,

this much happiness is ok man,

it is ok,

i must be having only this much in my fate,

i accepts it,

i proposed her for
marriage,

but she didn't wish to think
of it,

she got proposed
by many fellows,
even his long term friends,
whom she believed,

she came to my life,
i hope this must be enough for me,

ya,

she joined my college,
isn't it the greatest fate of mine,

i believe so,

ya that was my good fate,

i loved her,

we humans loves,
galaxies,
outerspace,
switzerland,

or a lot,

we cannot get everything,

then why to be posesive for a girl,

thinking she is mine,

will it would make her mine,

and some even says that
their girlfriend,
betrayed them,

who believed that she was your's,
that was you,
you betrayed yourself,
by saying see is yours,

she is equal to,
a river,
mountain,
a beautiful place,
which can be seen,

but u cannot take,
river,
or mountain to your house,

why to be possesive man,
it is you who are telling
false to yourself
by saying she is yours,

in this world,
nothing is your's
and everything is your's.

but you can't take everything to your home,
well God created them,
let them to decide,
what to do with it,






ok

i am alone,
i am happy,

i can do anything with my loneliness,

loneliness is not so,
bad as we think,
we can enjoy it,

yes we can,






my dad donot believed me,
and in my capabilities,
it reduces my strengths,

but being alone,
i need not to prove myself to anyone,
if anyone is by my side,
it's ok,

anyone can come anyone can go,
be alone even if there are millions around u or noone,
and you won't feel bad,
in loneliness,
it's your's

it's your life,
you are always lonely,
noone enters into you,
them come near you,
and goes away,


you can enjoy,
life work,
nature,
anything anytime,

do anything you want,
in the loneliness,

if you feel lonely,
don't be afraid,
face it,
or i will say love it,

do something with it,
love it,
love yourself,

everything is your's,
but you can't take everything home.